Microsoft is a US corporation known for its generous contributions to the world of Pornography. Their revolutionary Internet Explorer software offers a Web-browsing platform for porn producers around the world to showcase all their latest products.
Wank-off to porn responsibly:
- Do not ejaculate over animals;
- expensive soft-furnishings; or,
- your mother.
TALKER's Laws of Pornography:
- One position or act is not good enough;
- The Woman must always moan from pleasure whilst giving someone else oral sex;
- While pretending to orgasm, a girl must maintain a word to swear ratio of at least 1:17 respectively;
- the wobbliness of the boobies is directly proportional to the perversity of the act performed;
- If there is a black male in a porn scene he must have a penis of over 12 inches in length;
- Upon orgasm, the man must ejaculate at least 27 pints of cum;
- Every American must, by law, have enough porn underneath their beds to sustain an erection until they die;
- Free pornography does not exist. Googling the phrase 'free porn' will get you absolutely nowhere;
- Stills’ Internet pornography must feature 200 shots which only slightly vary from each other;
- As soon as any sexual activity starts in a porn movie, all pretense at following a plot must be abandoned. High heels are the sole exception to this rule;
- Porn actresses must have Platinum blonde hair and fake tits (over the size of DD);
- It is mandatory for porn actresses to be either bi or lesbian.
Copyright © 2010 Frank TALKER. Permission granted to reproduce and distribute it in any format; provided that mention of the author’s Weblog (http://allmotley.blogspot.com/) is included: E-mail notification requested. All other rights reserved. Frank TALKER is also the author of Sweaty Socks: A Treatise on the Inevitability of Toe Jam in Hot Weather (East Cheam Press: Groper Books, 1997) and is University of Bullshit Professor Emeritus of Madeupology.
